she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
