Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
