swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A bitchslap is in order.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
