Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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