I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
