Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
