This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
