i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love having hate sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
