there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
