Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
