I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
