sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
