i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
