omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
