Please, let me fuck your mom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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