just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
