I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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