idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
