Just took my morning after pill in the library
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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