I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
