Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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