I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
