i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
