Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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