I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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