WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
