he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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