I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
