Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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