At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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