I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
