This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
