So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
