Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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