last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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