If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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