Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
