So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
