you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
