i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Congratulations! We have a period
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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