god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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