Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
