I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
