GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
