I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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