Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
