Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
