Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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