im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
