Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
