he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
