Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
