Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
