When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
