Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
